At age 17, Aristotle enrolled in the Platonic Academy. He would
stay there for 20 years.
Founded by the father of Western philosophy, the Greek
philosopher Plato, Aristotle was the most promising student around. He asked
many questions and answered even more.
The exact time of his departure from the Academy is disputed,
but it’s said that he left soon after Plato died due to his dislike of the
direction that it subsequently took. In the years following, he would even go
on to argue against many of his late teacher’s core ideas.
It’s impossible to say how much Aristotle wrote, but even from
the fraction of his work that we have left today, there is a stunning amount of
breadth in the subjects he covered.
Every field from astronomy and physics to ethics and economics
has been influenced by the work of Aristotle. For more than 2,000 years after
his death, he has remained one of the most widely read and quoted thinkers in
the history of our species.
While his impact can still be felt in the many different
subjects today, maybe the most accurate of his observations relate to
friendship. He saw it as one of the true joys of life, and he felt that a life
well-lived needed to be built around such companionship. In his own words:
“In poverty as well as in other misfortunes, people suppose that
friends are their only refuge. And friendship is a help to the young, in saving
them from error, just as it is also to the old, with a view to the care they
require and their diminished capacity for action stemming from their weakness;
it is a help also to those in their prime in performing noble actions, for ‘two
going together’ are better able to think and to act.”
The accidental friendships
Aristotle outlined two kinds of common friendships that are more
accidental than intentional.
The first is a friendship of utility. In this kind of
relationship, the two parties are not in it for the affection of one another,
but more so because each party receives a benefit in exchange.
It’s not permanent in nature, and whenever the benefit ends, so
does the relationship that brought the parties together. Aristotle observed
this to be more common in older folks.
An example of this would be a business or a work relationship.
You may enjoy the time you spend together, but once the situation changes, so
does the nature of your connection.
Similarly, the second kind of accidental friendship is one based
on pleasure. This one, however, is more common in people that are younger. It’s
the kind of relationship frequently seen among college friends or people who
participate on the same sports team.
The source of such a friendship is more emotional, and it’s
often the most short-lived of the relationships. It’s fine for as long as the
two parties gain enjoyment through a mutual interest in something external, but
it ends as soon as either tastes or preferences change.
Many young people go through different phases in their views on
enjoyment, and quite often, the people in their lives tend to change as the
phase they’re in recalibrates over time.
Most of the friendships that many of us have fall into these two
categories, and while Aristotle didn’t necessarily see them as bad, he did feel
that their depth limited their quality.
It’s fine, and even necessary, to have accidental friendships,
but there is far more out there.
The friendship of the good
The final form of friendship that Aristotle outlined is also the
most preferable out of the three.
Rather than utility or pleasure, this kind of relationship is
based on a mutual appreciation of the virtues that the other party holds dear.
It’s the people themselves and the qualities that they represent that provides
the incentive for the two parties to be in each other’s lives.
Rather than being short-lived, such a relationship often lasts
until the end, and there is quite generally a base level of goodness required
in each person for it to exist in the first place.
People that lack empathy or care for others seldom develop these
kinds of relationships because, more often than not, their preference is to
look for pleasure or utility. On top of that, friendships of virtue take time
and trust to build. They depend on mutual growth occurring.
You’re a lot more likely to connect at this level with someone
when you’ve seen them at their worst and watched them grow from that or if
you’ve both endured mutual hardship together.
Beyond the depth and intimacy, the beauty of such relationships
is that they automatically include the rewards of the other two kinds of
friendship. They’re pleasurable and beneficial.
When you respect a person and care for them, you gain joy from
being with them. If they’re a good enough person to warrant such a relationship
to begin with, then there is utility, too.
These relationships require time and intention, but when they do
blossom, they do so with trust, admiration, and awe. They bring with them some
of the sweeter joys that life has to offer.
All you need to know
If you’re someone who has been read for over 2,000 years, there
is usually a good reason.
Not everything Aristotle wrote is considered relevant today, and
many of his assumptions have since been argued against, but given the
originality of his ideas for the time that he lived in, it’s hard not to be
impressed by his mind. Few names in history are as influential.
He taught us to examine the world empirically, and he inspired
generations of thinkers and philosophers to consider the role and value of
ethics in the everyday conduct of our lives.
For the average person, however, the most relevant of his ideas
relate to the importance of good relationships. He was particularly curious
about the intention of friendship.
While he saw the value in accidental friendships based on
pleasure and utility, he felt that their impermanence diminished their
potential. They lacked depth and a solid foundation.
Instead, he argued for the cultivation of virtuous friendships
built with intention and based on a mutual appreciation of character and
goodness rather than on some transactional value.
He knew that such a friendship could only be strengthened over
time and that if it did thrive, it would last for life. To Aristotle, few
things came close to the value of such a relationship.
It makes sense. At the end of the day, the bonds we forge with
those close to us directly shape the quality of our lives. We are, and we live
through, the people we spend time with.
For most things, life is long enough. It is, however, too short
for the wrong kinds of friendship.