I’ve been accused of being unfair to Tesla, that I am infected by
personal animosity toward Musk (true; I loathe rent seekers) and a general
dislike of electric cars (not true; I merely dislike the way subsidies
have distorted the market for them).
Well, here’s some owner testimony for you. This
guy bought a new Model S – an $80,000 car. He was champing at the bit to get
the keys. He most definitely did not have any ax to grind.
Listen to what he has to say about his car:
This does not bode well for Elon – whose company this week had to ‘fess up to a hemorrhagic cash
bleed – $671 million, the worst yet.
Wait. It is going to get even worse.
Many of the “issues” detailed by the unhappy owner in the video
– swirls in the paint, poor panel fitment, squeaks and rattles – may not seem
major to the casual reader.
And wouldn’t be . . . if it were 1978.
In those days, it was actually common for even luxury-brand cars
to have swirls in the paint, poor panel fitment, squeaks and rattles. The
general quality control was terrible and people had much lower expectations.
Cars routinely fell apart – or began to – within sight of the dealer’s lot. And
within five years of leaving the lot, almost all of them were looking hairy and
feeling worse.
The problem for Tesla is it’s 2018.
Such things are no longer tolerated . . . by people who
buy $15,000 Hyundais.
Or even by Teslians, for that matter – who are, after all,
affluent people. People with money don’t like feeling gypped –
and won’t put up with it, even when they desperately want the car to be
everything it was advertised to be.
The new ’78 Chevette! Er… Model
3…
The swirls in the paint, the poor panel fitment, the squeaks and
rattles – all betoken fundamentally slipshod quality control
and poor engineering. If they can’t get trim lined up correctly,
what about things more complex – and critical?
If the car in the video above were not a sainted Tesla – if it
were an IC-engined $15,000 economy car and forget an$80,000 luxury-sport sedan
– the problems described would be (first) a public relations catastrophe and
(next) the probable end for the car, possibly the brand.
Consumer Reports, Automotive News and
every car journalist in the country would savage the thing. The damage would
almost certainly be irreparable because in the car business, as in the love
business, trust is like a fresh piece of paper. Once you crumple it up, there’s
no way to un-crumple it.
Examples abound.
One that comes to mind is the Cadillac Allante – RIP. Like the
Tesla, it was beautiful to look at and touted a plethora of
technology. GM had the bodywork farmed out to Italian exotic car crafter
Pininfarina – and had the partially assembled bodies shipped across
the ocean 747 airliners modified for this specific purpose.
GM promised a lot.
Less was delivered.
The cars suffered from erratic quality control and sub-par
engineering. The convertible tops sometimes leaked and always rattled. There
were issues with the “high tech” electronic systems.
Sound familiar?
Well, probably not – because the general media and even the
automotive media has been unbelievably indulgent toward Tesla. For basically
the same reason that it is almost impossible to speak ill in the workplace of a
differently abled Cablinasian in the midst of transitioning – no matter how awful
his/her/their work happens to be.
One will find the occasional story expressing some much-couched
doubts about the car – or about Tesla, the company. But these are whitecaps on
an otherwise calm ocean. All is well. Teething pains. The range is always
increasing, the recharge times decreasing. The sun will come out, tomorrow . .
. bet your bottom dollar.
Underneath, however, the waters are roiling.
Elon is having more and more trouble explaining away the
constant, increasingly predictable juggernaut of misfires and miscues –
including the extremely embarrassing production delays of the endlessly
hosanna’d Model 3, which has been adulated by the car press before the car
press even got its hands on one. Whatever Elon says – whatever Elon promises –
is accepted with wide-eyed gratefulness, almost like a seal anticipating a
mackerel only the snack never actually finds its way to the beast’s salivating
maw.
The Model 3’s failure to launch may well be due to the same
problems that plague the Model S – but which Elon knows will be much,
much harder to talk away or cover up, because the Model 3 is supposed to be
a mass-market car, built in volume. It will be hard to shut up
that many mouths.
While the car press may continue to cover for Elon, people used
to the near perfection of $15,000 Hyundais – trim that isn’t falling
off at delivery, paint that doesn’t need to be manually buffed
out by a detailer to efface shoddy application, doors that close properly, the
utter absence of squeaks and rattles – are going to prove a
harder con for Elon.
The only question remaining is: When the whole thing implodes –
as is inevitable – will the taxpayers be bayoneted in the back to pick up the
tab for that, too?
. . .
Got a question about cars – or anything else? Click on the “ask
Eric” link and send ’em in!
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