Why Men Must Abandon The False Gospel Of Nice-Guyism

 For years, I’ve watched men in the Church try to gain respect by being nice and fail miserably. They serve, they sacrifice, they bend over backward to please everyone around them, especially their wives. But it doesn’t lead to the life they expected.

Instead of respect, they get resentment. Instead of admiration, they get indifference. They’re overlooked, not honored. Their efforts go unnoticed, their sacrifices unappreciated. These are the so-called “nice guys.” And understanding what drives them is key to understanding why so many Christian men feel lost, ineffective, and ashamed.....

......Nice guys almost always have an external locus. Their entire worldview is built around the idea that someone else is responsible for their happiness. That’s why they feel like victims. That’s why they’re constantly frustrated. That’s why they think if they just please everyone, things will finally go their way. But that day never comes.

Scripture blows this mindset apart. Proverbs teaches that a man’s life reflects his heart. His outer world mirrors his inner world. His fruit comes from his roots. And if his house is a wreck, his finances are a mess, his health is in decline, and his relationships are shallow, the first place he needs to look is the mirror.

Yes, there are always other factors. But the man is the main one. That’s the default assumption Scripture teaches. Not that everything is his fault, but that he is responsible. And if he takes responsibility, God will meet him there.

Full text: https://thefederalist.com/2025/05/26/why-men-must-abandon-the-false-gospel-of-nice-guyism/ 

....That’s why passivity is so soul-killing. That’s why unemployment crushes men. That’s why retirement often leads to depression. A man without a mission is like a sword left in its sheath — unused, dulled, and wasting away.

This is why women are attracted to competence. To strength. To leadership. To performance. It’s not shallow. It’s built into them. Just as men are drawn to beauty and warmth and receptivity, women are drawn to a man who can get things done. Who has a direction. Who doesn’t need her to be his emotional crutch......

....Finally, you must believe that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. Not every effort will be rewarded in this life. But all of it matters. Even the mundane. Even the overlooked. Even the painful. “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” That is the abundance mindset. That is freedom.

The way of Christ is not easy, but it is light. It is not safe, but it is good. And it leads to real joy, real peace, and real masculinity. So stop being nice. Start being good. And live like it’s good to be a man.

(You might also read - https://crushlimbraw.blogspot.com/2019/10/vox-popoli-christianity-isnt-etiquette.html?m=0 - Christianity is NOT etiquette! - CL)