HR helpfully demonstrates the inutility of HR:
HR asked me to install employee monitoring software across every company laptop last month.
They wanted screenshots every five minutes, browser history, application usage, idle time, and an automated “productivity score” for every employee.
I told them this seemed invasive.
They told me the executive team had already approved it.
So I installed exactly what they requested.
Three weeks later, the VP of HR asked me to prepare a report showing the 20 least productive employees in the company.
I exported the data.
Seven of the bottom ten worked in HR.
One HR business partner had spent 19 hours on Zillow during business hours.
Another averaged 46 minutes of keyboard activity per day.
Someone had watched four complete seasons of Love Is Blind.
The VP asked whether I could exclude HR because their work was “less quantifiable.”
What passes for HR work isn’t less quantifiable, it’s simply nonexistent.
